Where to begin

Cristian, Jaden, and their friend from the Ronald McDonald House, Cesar (he's Cristian's bestfriend--he has leukemia) They were so happy to see each other. Logan just before his surgery--they couldn't find a vein so they had to put it in his head, he actually prefers it there though so it doesn't get in his way.
After surgery, with all his tubes and everything-- poor little guy. The first time I saw everything I gasped a bit and felt sick from the pain he must be going through. He took it like a champ though, never even cried, it breaks my heart.
Look how puffy he was, it took forever for him to get rid of all the extra fluids.
He LOVED this blanket while in the hospital.

Well, so much has happened in the month since I last blogged. I have no clue where to even begin. I guess I can start at the somewhat beginning. The last week in June Logan got sick with a stomach bug. On the 30th he started looking kind of bad again so I took him to the ER and he was hospitalized for fluids. My mom had met me at the hospital and went to my house to relieve Vidal in the morning so he could go to work. When she went in to get my grandma up, my grandma was unresponsive. She called an ambulance and sent the kids to my neighbor's. At the hospital they ran a lot of tests and found that she had a massively bad UTI. She got it from the rehab she had just come home from the week before. Logan got home from the hospital Tuesday afternoon and my mom called me to come up to the hospital Tuesday night because grandma was in bad shape. The hospital had completely ignored my mom's pleas for help with her breathing--until it was too late. When I got there they were just about to take her up to ICU and in the morning they had to intubate her. The next day she wasn't showing any signs of brain activity and so we had them turn the machines off. We sat with her until after she passed on and we sang to her and talked to her and held her hand. It was one of the hardest times in my life but I'm truly glad I was able to be with her and help her through. I still have trouble believing that she's gone. The next few days were kind of a blur and I pretty much stayed in bed with Logan and slept and nursed him and cried. Her memorial service was on a Tuesday. It was beautiful and our pastor did a great job with the service. I was able to get up and speak without losing it. While walking out of the service when everyone was starting to leave, I got a call I recognized as being from Driscoll Children's Hospital. As soon as I saw the number, I knew what it was about. Dr Al-Akash confirmed what I already knew and said Logan would need to head up for surgery soon to begin the process for dialysis. I was freaking with fear and grief for both Logan and Grandma. At one point I walked into my kitchen and couldn't figure out when the walkway between the cabinets got so close together. I tried to push my fridge back and realized that they were in their normal position, I was just losing it. We had to leave the next day to take Logan to a drs appt with Al-Akash. There he said he actually didn't have to move for dialysis though we will have lots of visits to Corpus in our future. The next day Logan started throwing up in the morning. I was never so happy that we were already being admitted to the hospital since they started fluids right away and got him rehydrated. He had surgery on Friday morning and it seemed to take forever! Really it was only about 2 hours. When your baby is in surgery that darn clock doesn't ever move. The surgery was successful but he had come down with a stomach virus so our stay was extended. Logan just LOVES that darn hospital. So, now he is fed 10 hrs at night through the feeding tube and then nurses ad lib all day and sometimes even at night while the pump is running. I HATE pumping! Anyway, we now have a hurricane headed our way. Hopefully it won't be too bad. I don't see it being horrible. I still can't believe grandma is gone. Almost every morning I get up to try to get her out of bed and I save bags to put her diapers in but she isn't here and I rush to be home by 4 for the daycare but they aren't coming and I miss her so much. My life just isn't the same without her. She's been such a huge part of my life for so long. Part of me keeps thinking that she's just on vacation at my mom's and I guess she is on vacation--just not at my mom's. I know she was ready though. I feel it with everything in me. It's so hard and sad for me and Vidal and the kids but for her--it was a happy day. I know that she is dancing in Heaven and eating her chocolate cake and peanut butter sandwiches. Logan starts dialysis in a few weeks so we'll be gone for training for a week or two. But, after the move and that hopefully things will settle back out and we can have a few peaceful weeks. I'll try to post pictures soon, after the storm has passed.


---edited to add--I forgot to post that Logan now weighs 12 lbs 8 oz. He's weighed the same thing for like the last month but hopefully that will change in the near future.