Feeling tired tonight

I am feeling an overwhelming tiredness tonight. I think it is because as I always do, I am trying to control the uncontrollable. I am trying so hard to find Logan a kidney because I feel it's what I should do as his mother. I wish I could just give him mine. But, having only one, of course, I can't. Then too I forget that this is not between me and Logan and the drs. This is between God and Logan and they may include the drs and I in there somewhere.

I have such a struggle between trying my best to do the best for my kids and Logan's health and trying to control what cannot be controlled. I have no control over whether or not Logan gets a live donor kidney. I have no control over when a kidney will become available to him live or deceased. I have no control. I have to let go. I have to let God do his thing and trust in him that all will work according to his plan. I have such a hard time with letting go and trusting God even though I know it's what I have to do.

Okay God, I know I've said this a million times, I know. I'm letting go. I know that you will work this according to your plan. I know that one way or the other your plan always works much better than any plan I could have created. Last year I would not have chosen to have Grandma go home to Heaven the same week that Logan needed to go for surgery to start dialysis. No way would that have been my plan. And yet, your plan worked exactly as it should. I couldn't have taken care of both Grandma and Logan. I know that. And she was ready to go home to you. And so, yet again I am trusting in your plan. I give it to you. Please guide me where I need to go and help me to do the things that you've deemed in my control. Please help me to see where I need to let go. Amen.