Party!

We went to Vidal's uncle's birthday part today. It was fun. The boys had a blast looking for fish in the pond. We don't see his family often enough, just for get togethers. So it was good to see everyone. His cousin Ivan and Ivan's wife Erika have a baby that is 6 weeks younger than Logan. He's cute. He makes Logan look so small though. Logan looks so big and chunky until I put him next to a chubby baby and then I start to worry. That's it, we're only going around skinny babies from now on! : ) Well, here are some pics of our day.My 16 year old SIL-Daniella, Baby Julian, Logey, and my FIL--poor Logey was in desperate need of a nap by then. You see him eyeing Julian like, what the heck man?

Cristian very dramatically throwing out his fish. He was so sad that we couldn't keep them. Somehow one died in the process and he cried for about 15 mins saying he killed the fish and how horrible he was. : (

My boys : )

Me and my boys--excuse the eyes closed

Tia Juana and the boys--Logan was beyond tired.

Weight update--Appt update

Logey had a drs appt on Thurs. It went really well. He was 14 1/2 lbs (6.6 kg). Dr A was very content with his weight gain and said to just keep up the good work and do whatever we were doing that was making him gain weight. : ) So, for now, nursing is in the clear. For 2 1/2 weeks he's been getting 1 tbsp of protein powder a night per dr's orders because dialysis depletes protein and his levels were really low. He also said that once he hits 7 kg (about 1 more lb) that he will start on the paper work to get Logan on the UNOs list. The sooner he gets on the list the better since it's about a year wait. Thank God for dialysis. At first, it seems to scary and foreign but once you get used to it, it's not so bad. And, it saves his life so really, who can complain about that, you know? Hopefully Vidal or some other family member will be a match, but, if we can't find one, at least we know we're going on the list soon! He has an appt on the 7th so I'm really hoping he'll be 7 kg by then. Grow Logey grow! We have about a year left (hopefully) on dialysis until he's about 18 months and 10 kg. We still have a long road ahead of us but this seems like such a great milestone.sleeping Logan--he's on dialysis and his feeding tube in this pic.

This is his "corner" the blood pressure machine and dialysis machine are in the back.

head, shoulders, knees, and toes....

happy baby!what mom?

Fourth of July pics

Our 4th of July pics, I didn't get to add them during that time because life went crazy on me. But, I still want them on here, so here they are.All the kiddos in their 4th shirts after dinner

This was the 4th pic since we had to get a pic of ALL 4 of the "big" kids holding Logan--you can tell Cristian is SOOOO done with the picture taking

the kiddos watching the fireworks--and Kayla watching me : )

Logan looking mortified in his hat

oh, well that's why, he was sleepy

Weight update : )

Logan is now 14 lbs 1 oz. He's had quite a big jump since he started dialysis. He even got sick twice during that time and still managed to climb steadily. He's getting protein powder in with his breastmilk at night now--through the feeding pump that won't stop beeping. He gets 10 oz of breastmilk mixed with 1 tbsp of protein powder, it seems to be helping. Bulk up baby boy!

Beeping......

I swear if I hear one more beep from the feeding machine, I will throw the darn thing. We can't take it in until Thur since it's 3 hrs away so I just have to deal with it for now. Everything else is going decent. Marilee and Regina (cousin and friend) both nominated me for a raffle for a hotsling and I actually won! I'm so excited. I wanted to try one when Logey was smaller. Luckily he's a small guy so hopefully he'll still fit nicely. He loves our moby and I really want to get a babyhawk at some point. Anyway, here are some pics of my little guy.enjoying the computer, like mommy.

nah, mom, I'd rather look at you.about to go for a walk, loving his stroller.First time sitting in a "restaurant" high chair (it was just whataburger) see how scared he looks of all the germs. He got taken out about 2 seconds later, LOL.

APPT

Logan had a drs appt yesterday in Corpus so Vidal and I took him up there and back and we took Jaden with us for the entertainment value. Cristian had his last day of camp so he stayed home with nana. Poor kiddo, he got sick while he was there and threw up and had diarrhea but he didn't tell anyone because he didn't want them to send him home because he was having so much fun. Logan's appt went fairly well, his weight was exactly the same though, unfortunately. Dr Al Akash wants us up there Monday morning to begin dialysis training. I hadn't expected it to come so quickly but really there never is a good time to take your little one in for dialysis. It's not look it will get any easier, ever. Some day we will adjust. It doesn't sound nearly as scary as it once did. Dialysis used to seem like the worse case scenario and honestly I've now realized there are scenarios far worse than dialysis, scenarios I don't even want to contemplate. We got the boys pictures taken today and they came out great! I am really pleased with them. I wish I could post them now but they won't be on JCPenney.com for 3-4 days. Well, I guess, on to the pictures. Unfortunately I didn't get to get any of Jaden at swimming this week. My camera is running out of battery and I can't seem to find the charger in all this mess. Oh well, on to some pics. : )

Logan ready for some food--this was on Sunday just before his first bite of bananas. (sorry I can't turn it the other way, I haven't figured out how to do it on this computer so just turn your head to the side)
Logan and Papaw
Logan and Jaden (He's such a little white boy--his hair is like strawberry blond)

Hurricane pics

Vidal out in the rain in the beginning--the wind was blowing like crazy Logan's not scared of a little hurricane On his feeding that nightCristian's not scared either--at least not in this pic Jaden either--though I think he ended up sleeping with me that night.Cristian, Kayla, and Rana after it was over. Luckily we were just rained in. Other parts of our area got it pretty bad. My poor mom was without power for 3 days.
Our flood--Thank God for good drainage. : ) We only lost power for about 3 hours the next day while they were fixing everyone else's. And I just realized you can see my neighbor's house, hi Dina!

Logan Update

Well, our little man is doing fairly well. He had a drs appt on Tuesday and it went well. He was 12 lbs 5 oz, naked which represents almost a lb gain on their scale. : ) He is doing great with the overnight continous feeds. He's almost sitting up and this week learned how to roll over both ways. He's moving quite a bit now. He started eating banana on Saturday but I didn't give him any yesterday since he had some diarrhea. I don't think it's related to the banana, I think he may have a bit of a stomach bug, AGAIN. I had a bad stomach virus this weekend. It was horrible, I was dizzy, nauseated, and really achy. Yesterday Logan and I stayed in bed ALL day, that's how bad I was feeling. But here it is 6 am and I'm feeling much better. Which is great because the boys have their first day of swimming lessons today. Well, Cristian went through 4 weeks of swimming earlier in the summer but this is Jaden's first day ever of lessons. We moved Thursday of last week and let me just say, moving sucks, especially when you are infested with a plague of mosquitos because of a hurricane the week before. I still don't know where anything is, including Vidal's shoes that he will need for work in about an hour and a half, hmmmmmmmm......

these were from the week before we moved, this is my cousin's husband Chuck, with Logan

the girlies with Logan and Chuck

Logan wearing his new outfit his aunt Marilee bought for him from Tammie at Paint Me a Rainbow

and the apple on his butt : )

Hospital pics

the boys visiting at the hospital
Logan trying to sit up like a big boy
the little girl is Cristian's "girl friend" Jocelyn--both he and Jaden and Cesar have the biggest crush on her
the boys sharing a milk shake
on the way home we stopped to eat at King's Inn--they have the most fabulous catfish and shrimp and it's pretty scenic too, perfect for pics.

Where to begin

Cristian, Jaden, and their friend from the Ronald McDonald House, Cesar (he's Cristian's bestfriend--he has leukemia) They were so happy to see each other. Logan just before his surgery--they couldn't find a vein so they had to put it in his head, he actually prefers it there though so it doesn't get in his way.
After surgery, with all his tubes and everything-- poor little guy. The first time I saw everything I gasped a bit and felt sick from the pain he must be going through. He took it like a champ though, never even cried, it breaks my heart.
Look how puffy he was, it took forever for him to get rid of all the extra fluids.
He LOVED this blanket while in the hospital.

Well, so much has happened in the month since I last blogged. I have no clue where to even begin. I guess I can start at the somewhat beginning. The last week in June Logan got sick with a stomach bug. On the 30th he started looking kind of bad again so I took him to the ER and he was hospitalized for fluids. My mom had met me at the hospital and went to my house to relieve Vidal in the morning so he could go to work. When she went in to get my grandma up, my grandma was unresponsive. She called an ambulance and sent the kids to my neighbor's. At the hospital they ran a lot of tests and found that she had a massively bad UTI. She got it from the rehab she had just come home from the week before. Logan got home from the hospital Tuesday afternoon and my mom called me to come up to the hospital Tuesday night because grandma was in bad shape. The hospital had completely ignored my mom's pleas for help with her breathing--until it was too late. When I got there they were just about to take her up to ICU and in the morning they had to intubate her. The next day she wasn't showing any signs of brain activity and so we had them turn the machines off. We sat with her until after she passed on and we sang to her and talked to her and held her hand. It was one of the hardest times in my life but I'm truly glad I was able to be with her and help her through. I still have trouble believing that she's gone. The next few days were kind of a blur and I pretty much stayed in bed with Logan and slept and nursed him and cried. Her memorial service was on a Tuesday. It was beautiful and our pastor did a great job with the service. I was able to get up and speak without losing it. While walking out of the service when everyone was starting to leave, I got a call I recognized as being from Driscoll Children's Hospital. As soon as I saw the number, I knew what it was about. Dr Al-Akash confirmed what I already knew and said Logan would need to head up for surgery soon to begin the process for dialysis. I was freaking with fear and grief for both Logan and Grandma. At one point I walked into my kitchen and couldn't figure out when the walkway between the cabinets got so close together. I tried to push my fridge back and realized that they were in their normal position, I was just losing it. We had to leave the next day to take Logan to a drs appt with Al-Akash. There he said he actually didn't have to move for dialysis though we will have lots of visits to Corpus in our future. The next day Logan started throwing up in the morning. I was never so happy that we were already being admitted to the hospital since they started fluids right away and got him rehydrated. He had surgery on Friday morning and it seemed to take forever! Really it was only about 2 hours. When your baby is in surgery that darn clock doesn't ever move. The surgery was successful but he had come down with a stomach virus so our stay was extended. Logan just LOVES that darn hospital. So, now he is fed 10 hrs at night through the feeding tube and then nurses ad lib all day and sometimes even at night while the pump is running. I HATE pumping! Anyway, we now have a hurricane headed our way. Hopefully it won't be too bad. I don't see it being horrible. I still can't believe grandma is gone. Almost every morning I get up to try to get her out of bed and I save bags to put her diapers in but she isn't here and I rush to be home by 4 for the daycare but they aren't coming and I miss her so much. My life just isn't the same without her. She's been such a huge part of my life for so long. Part of me keeps thinking that she's just on vacation at my mom's and I guess she is on vacation--just not at my mom's. I know she was ready though. I feel it with everything in me. It's so hard and sad for me and Vidal and the kids but for her--it was a happy day. I know that she is dancing in Heaven and eating her chocolate cake and peanut butter sandwiches. Logan starts dialysis in a few weeks so we'll be gone for training for a week or two. But, after the move and that hopefully things will settle back out and we can have a few peaceful weeks. I'll try to post pictures soon, after the storm has passed.


---edited to add--I forgot to post that Logan now weighs 12 lbs 8 oz. He's weighed the same thing for like the last month but hopefully that will change in the near future.

Growth hormone

Logan started his growth hormone today. It went really well. He didn't even cry or anything. Pretty soon he will be little baby Hulk. Oddly, they sent my friend Lori from nursing school to do the teaching on the med. It was really cool since I hadn't seen her since her youngest was born 18 months ago.

week 16 (can't believe he's 16 weeks!)

I figure I might as well start this baby journal thing I get sent every week so here goes.

what has surprised you most about being a parent?

--This time around what has surprised me most (for the third time) is the fierce love that I have for this child. I mean, I know that I love my children on a daily basis but sometimes I forget the fact that they are a huge blessing in my life. Sometimes I take them for granted and what has surprised me is how strong we can be for our children. When they told me Logan might very well die I cried for about a minute, sitting on the hospital bed in the ER, holding Logan, telling Vidal that our son might not make it. But then I got it together so that I could be strong for him. I knew right then that he needed me to talk to him and reassure him, even if he couldn't understand. I prayed and let go. Looking back, it is a really painful memory. Vidal told me later on that he just felt so helpless because he couldn't come to the hospital since he had my grandma and the boys. Why I didn't call my dad and tell him to get his butt to my house to watch his mother, I have no clue. One would think it would have been the most logical thing so that Vidal could have been with his dying son but the thought never occurred to anyone. Anyway, I hope that I never again take for granted what a huge blessing our children are in our lives and how quickly that can be taken away.

Logan laughing and this is the last "pic" of him while his tummy was plain.

Random pics from today

Me and my boys.

my ninos.

My smiley boy on the bathroom floor (hence the towel).

Tia Pancha's 90th

These pics were taken on the same day. If I had known they would be the last pictures of Grandma ever taken I would have taken more. : ( She went out without a wrinkle. Two and a half months later and I still miss her like it was yesterday. This day she had a break through and was sitting up so straight and was kissing the baby and the boys. These were taken Sunday, she came home Thursday, was unresponsive Monday morning and died Thursday afternoon--just about exactly a week from coming home from the hospital. She told me a few days before we brought her home that she wanted to go home. Those were some of the first words she spoke after her stroke and her last words to ever speak--she repeated it twice--begging me with her eyes. That Thursday that we took her home I asked her is she was ready to go home and she said shook her head no. She didn't want to go home to our home--she wanted to go home to her new home.

Love you Grandma

Tia Pancha on her 90th Birthday. : )

The Grandpas and Baby Julian (a month younger than Logan) and Logan.

My boys, Vidal's cousin Ivan, and Baby Ivan (Julian's big brother).

My SIL Daniella and Jaden.

Today was Vidal's aunt, Tia Pancha's, 90th birthday! She looks awesome for being 90 years old. Anyway, they had her birthday party at Golden Coral and we got to see all of Vidal's family on his dad's side. It was great to see everyone and a lot of people hadn't seen Logan yet. He's a very popular little man. We also saw our old boss from Pizza Hut. It was kind of weird since he's still working so hard in the food industry. He looked a bit sad. Honestly, it reminds me how far we have come. Speaking of that, Vidal is applying soon for a manager position which would be absolutely awesome if he got! In a minute we're heading to go visit grandma at rehab and then to get Vidal a present for Father's Day. He did just get a Blackberry (got an awesome deal on it) and an MP4 player though so honestly, he's getting stuff he needs. He really needs a belt so he's getting that and possibly a new pack of undershirts and maybe a polo shirt if I find one in colors he will like.

--edited to add grandma pics